Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
