I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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