Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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