I molested 6 butterflies tonight
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
