OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Watching her eat just hurts me
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
