I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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