My first STD was from a foam party
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
