I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Randomize
