spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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