We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
