he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
