We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
