Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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