Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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