dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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