you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
