I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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