This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
