when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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