and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
And then he peed in my hair
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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