I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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