I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Is it because I queefed?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
