You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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