As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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