I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
well most of my day revolves around power hour
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
You made out with two different species that night
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
And then he peed in my hair
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