i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Farmville is her only friend.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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