I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
