actually, I'm a sock model
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Naked Twister starts at high noon
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize