every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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