this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
