I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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