I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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