You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
