dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
