Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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