I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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