so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
