I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
