someone threw a dead crab at me
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
