No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
