you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
You need a sexual gate keeper
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I think we might need a safe word for this...
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
