which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
