I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
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