Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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