i just google imaged poop.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize