i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
