I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
