i think my tv is drunk
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
