the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
