with your own penis?
did you get engaged???
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
