Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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