My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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