apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
