Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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