I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
