i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
