He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
