I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
