if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
