i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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