this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Randomize
