i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
