woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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