While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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