She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
