he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
