Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
