I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
