Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
