once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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