Dude my mom stole all your condoms
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
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