porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
